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| Welcome to Eden; Updated November 20 | |
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| Topic Started: Nov 13 2009, 12:36 PM (118 Views) | |
| Picklegod | Nov 13 2009, 12:36 PM Post #1 |
Scruffy-looking nerf herder
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Welcome to Eden The creaking door woke Theo up. His cat, Chester, liked to come and go during the night, so Theo left the door open a crack whenever he went to sleep. Without opening his eyes, he figured it was sometime between 1:00 and 2:00 in the morning. That’s usually when he would wake up at night, not for any particular reason other than habit. Though most thought it odd, Theo actually liked waking up around this time. It was like the calm before the storm for him. During the day, he was so occupied with work that he never really had time to himself, which he greatly preferred to socializing. Here in the middle of the night, he could just be alone with nothing but his thoughts. And Chester’s purring of course, he added as an afterthought. But with that single seemingly trivial thought, he became a little uncomfortable. He had only just realized that Chester had been purring beside him the entire time he had been awake. Theo didn’t believe in ghosts and other supernatural phenomena, but he spooked easily, especially when unexpected sounds came in the middle of the night. Knowing he wouldn’t get back to sleep until he convinced himself nothing was there, he rolled over and opened his eyes to look at the door. His eyes took some time to adjust. When they did, Theo felt as though his stomach had just twisted itself into a position that would startle even a contortionist. He shut his eyes again, half his mind refusing to believe he had seen someone and the other half desperately searching for something, anything, to do about this. He was being robbed! He was sure he had locked the door and he was on the fifth floor, so he doubted anyone would come through a window. The floorboards squeaked as Theo pictured the silhouette take a step forward and then stop again. Had the thief not noticed he was awake? It seemed foolish to think so. He hadn’t exactly been subtle when he looked at the doorway. Perhaps the floorboards’ squeak had startled him? Whatever the reason, the stranger appeared to have gotten past it, for he could be heard walking, not toward the dresser or elsewhere that might contain valuables, but toward the bed. Chester seemed to have taken notice of the new addition to the room. He let out a vicious hiss. Theo willed him to stop, but couldn’t find the power to open his eyes, let alone tell his cat to be quiet. Letting out another hiss, Chester climbed over Theo and, Theo thought, took a swipe at the thief. As many cat owners are aware, most cats will only stand up to something bigger than them for so long before deciding that flight is more appropriate than flight. After what seemed like hours, but was more likely around five minutes, Chester came to that realization and bolted out the door. For a while, Theo thought that the thief may have left, since he didn’t hear any signs of him. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes and check. He finally found the courage to do so. Slowly he opened them. No more than three inches from his own face was another with large dark eyes and a scowl, making it clear that this stranger was not up to anything good. Theo shot up quicker than he ever had before, but the stranger was just as quick. Theo was shoved down onto the ground and was met with an awful pain in his head. The only way he could describe it was that it was like being extremely carsick that continually intensified. He grabbed his head, squeezing as though it would remove the pain. Moments later, he passed out. Edited by Picklegod, Nov 13 2009, 12:37 PM.
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| Gh0st_J4y | Nov 13 2009, 01:05 PM Post #2 |
Infinite
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That was quite good. But, we don't really know what the story is going to be about, if you know what I mean. Like, there's not enough information there to give it a genre. But, you are adding to it yeah? Pretty good so far. |
 Thanks Riddle! | |
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| Picklegod | Nov 14 2009, 03:10 PM Post #3 |
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Scruffy-looking nerf herder
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Yeah, I'm definitely going to add to it. I know what what you mean about not knowing what the plot is. I'm going to make it more clear in the next update, though there will still probably be some confusion. Oh, and the genre's going to be Sci-fi. Thanks for the comment! |
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| Gh0st_J4y | Nov 14 2009, 04:42 PM Post #4 |
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Infinite
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Sounds like it will be good 
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Thanks Riddle! | |
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| Picklegod | Nov 20 2009, 12:10 PM Post #5 |
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Scruffy-looking nerf herder
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The lights were bright beyond Theo’s closed eyelids. Was it morning? He opened his eyes and was greeted with a blinding light shining straight down on his face. He tried to move his arm up to block out the light, only to find that he was strapped down on what appeared to be, to his great discomfort, a stretcher. What had happened? Slowly he began to recall the stranger and the pain in his head. Though he had no idea who, Theo decided that someone must have called an ambulance. He started to calm himself as he saw a doctor approach him. “What’s going on?” he managed to ask. The doctor turned to a nurse that had now appeared. With the blinding light, only their silhouettes could be made out. “Gul ak wol,” the doctor said. “What?” “Roon, sin gul.” The nurse appeared to nod and moved toward a tray at their side. Picking up a syringe filled with a murky liquid, she approached the stretcher. Theo didn’t like where this was going and began to squirm. “Whoa! What are you doing with that?! Is it even safe?! It looks like you found it in the sewer!” His squirming made it difficult for the nurse to inject him, but she finally held his head down and stuck the needle in his neck. Theo’s eyelids grew heavy. “You… can’t do… this…” When he woke again, he was in an entirely different setting. This one was very familiar. He gazed out past his cubicle at his completely empty office building. He stood up from his chair, thinking as he did so that he must have fallen asleep. He went to the nearest window and looked out. His comfort of seeing the familiar skyline was quickly crushed by the realization that the streets below were just as empty as the office. He was starting to panic now. “Hello?! Is anyone here?” No one appeared, but Theo’s shouts had caught someone’s attention. “Ka! Enseen, gul ak wol. Dai azi.” Theo jumped at the voice, looking all around him for its source. He didn’t wait long to find it. Nearby, a door had opened. Standing before him was what would appear to be a normal man, aside from the olive-gray skin color. The man looked elderly, perhaps early in his early sixties, and had white hair with a short beard. He also wore a brown suit and tie. Smiling, he approached Theo. When the man was directly before him, Theo also noticed that his black eyes were larger than normal. “Velom a-“ The man stopped when he saw the confusion mixed with fear on Theo’s face. He looked confused himself for a moment, but then seemed to remember something. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out an earpiece and stuck it on Theo’s ear. “That’s better,” the man said, giving another smile, “I trust you can understand me now?” Bewildered, Theo felt the earpiece and managed a nod. “Excellent! Well then, welcome to Eden, Mr. Ensin. Not the real Eden of course. We’ve brought you here so that you’ll be closer. Everything looks accurate though, does it?” “Wha-?” “Anyway, I’m Karn, owner of this fine establishment.” “But what-?” “What an amazing resemblance? Yes, I must say this is one of our better environments.” He looked around the office with a proud look on his face before gazing at the palm of his hand. Theo saw strange symbols on it that he couldn’t remember ever seeing before. “Would you look at that? I’m already late.” Karn pulled something else out of a pocket and attached it to the back of Theo’s neck. Before he could react, he was feeling lethargic. “Unfortunately, I just came to do the introductions. Surely you understand that we can’t have you remember where you are. Bad for business you know. Don’t worry though. Everything will be…” Theo didn’t hear the rest as he passed out again. He woke up in his bed for another normal day, not remembering anything from the previous night. For a long time, nothing greatly interesting happened. Life went on as usual. A little more than a year later, that all changed. The day was mostly normal until that night. Theo had stayed up late finishing a report for his boss. Suddenly, everything before him started to flicker like on a malfunctioning computer screen. Somehow, he had ended up lying down on a chair. He heard people talking excitedly and a voice over an intercom. “Security to fourth floor. Security to fourth floor.” “Hurry!” said a young male voice, “They’re coming!” “Well I can’t go any faster,” replied another. “Finish hacking it and get out. We’ll meet you back at my place.” He heard feet running off, but saw nothing but his home, still flickering. The voice on the intercom came again. “We have two escapes. One is armed. Repeat, one is armed.” “Got it!” the hacker shouted. Theo’s home vanished and was replaced by a large room that reminded him of a museum. He stood up from the chair for a better look around. He was startled to find that kneeling beside him was a teenager dressed all in black with gray skin. The teenager stood and looked at him. “We now have three escapes,” spoke the intercom voice. “I’d get out of here if I were you,” and with that the teenager ran off. Too stunned to move, Theo stared after the boy. He was brought to his senses only when he heard what could only be described as gunfire from a sci-fi movie. |
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| Gh0st_J4y | Nov 21 2009, 07:11 AM Post #6 |
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Infinite
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A good update. Well written. Still is a bit confusing though, so hopefully the next chapter will clear things up again. |
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Thanks Riddle! | |
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| golden_kitsune | Jan 2 2010, 07:16 AM Post #7 |
The price of wisdom is above rubies
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Its certainly interesting... Kinda weird, but then I've never really read much sci-fi. Well done! |
"A friend loves at all times"
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