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| Zombies | |
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| Topic Started: Nov 9 2009, 12:45 PM (381 Views) | |
| 55K | Nov 17 2009, 08:14 PM Post #31 |
How far down the rabbit hole?
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First off, I noticed one maybe two grammatical errors towards the end, unless you wanted it like that. Wow, yeah, was not quite expecting a turn of events like that. So, keep it up. |
  Voted Best New Member of 2009! Thanks Everyone! | |
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| TopRaman | Nov 18 2009, 12:32 AM Post #32 |
Dance, Kitty, DANCE <33
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woah. this is phenomanal! A+++++++++++++++++++++++++ |
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| Picklegod | Nov 18 2009, 01:21 PM Post #33 |
Scruffy-looking nerf herder
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Very well done! That's all I have to say. |
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| Gh0st_J4y | Nov 18 2009, 01:44 PM Post #34 |
Infinite
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Thanky you very much you guys for the nice comments. Pickle?! When is your story going to be updated ?  Nevermind, but I do look forward to reading an update. |
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| Picklegod | Nov 19 2009, 05:41 PM Post #35 |
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Scruffy-looking nerf herder
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Haha. Don't worry. I just need to finish typing it. Tomorrow for sure. |
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| Gh0st_J4y | Nov 23 2009, 02:59 PM Post #36 |
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Infinite
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Real sorry about the wait. Chapter 7 is here! Oh, 55K? Can you show me the mistakes please? Cheers. I yawned as I got out of bed. I stepped out of my tent and looked up at the sky, spotting it was a sunny day. The sun shone in my eyes. I raised my arm to try and block out the sunlight and went to get breakfast. When I approached the breakfast bar, Bill was having an arguement with an older lady. " I've already told you! We have no medical supplies! " " Well, can't you go look for some? " The woman pleaded desperately. Bill glanced up at me. " Hey Luke? " Bill said. " Why don't you do it, eh? The hag's daughter has caught an illness and she needs medical supplies. " I stood silently for a moment. " Um, ok. There's a few towns we have to search so I guess I could go there. Maybe one will have a hospital or something. I'll just grab some breakfast first. " Bill was right. I hadn't been out much by myself so I was a bit scared. But I was determind to help that old woman. Once I'd eaten I walked back to my tent to grab my backpack and filled it with thing I'd need. I filled it with ammo, a pistol, a torch, some food and some water. And some bandages just in case. I felt nervous as I walked to the gate. Upon reaching it I asked for it to be open. I stepped out of the camp and jogged to one of the nearby towns. The land was completley empty, complete silence. An eerie silence. I had my assault rifle ready in my hands. After about 30 mins, I had reached the first town. It was quite big with lots of buildings and cars scattered about the place. As I walked forwards, two zombies jumped from out behind a car. I took both of them down easily with some accurate shots and continued. I looked around. ' Hospital, hospital, hospital ' I thought, my eyes searching everywhere. The sun didn't help my eyes. I started to run forwards into the town so I could do things quicker. When I reached the center, I was surrounded by lots of large buildings. When I looked around once more, I spotted a building with the big red cross on it. " Yes! " I said aloud, running towards it. I pushed the door open and stepped inside. It wasn't a gorgeous sight. Blood smeared on the walls, knives on the floors, dead bodies on the floor. I immediatly knew this was a bad idea. I walked over to a wall which had a floor plan on it. I was looking for storage unit or something. Hell, I didn't really know what I was looking for. I decided to just go to room where doctors operated. There would probably be medical supplies there. I walked upstairs and entered a large room with a stretcher in the middle. There was a person with his stomach ripped open on top. I nearly puked and tried to look away. I opened up a cabinet in a room. I smiled and emptied it. It was filled with medical supplies. Perfect. I was happy. I could leave now, I didn't really want to stay much longer. But when I walked over to the window, outside were millions and millions of.... You've probably guessed it? Zombies. I cursed. They were bashing on the glass doors. The door gave in and they all charged in. I cursed again. Everything was hopeless. I ran over to the door and tried to barricade it, pushing the cabinet and stretcher and anything else I could see in front of it. After that, I simply sat down, and waited. Then I heard a bang against the door.
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| 55K | Nov 23 2009, 05:12 PM Post #37 |
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How far down the rabbit hole?
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Jay, it seems like you're writing yourself into roadblocks. Honestly, I don't think I can take a another main character death. I do have one, maybe two, ideas for you, good sir. |
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Voted Best New Member of 2009! Thanks Everyone! | |
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| Gh0st_J4y | Nov 24 2009, 03:02 AM Post #38 |
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Infinite
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I'm not planning on killing Luke. And I already have a plan for getting him out of the hospital. Send me your ideas through PM, if you want to. Thanks. 
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| Gh0st_J4y | Nov 30 2009, 03:59 PM Post #39 |
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Infinite
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Chapter 8 I heard a bang against the door. Then another. The door finally burst open, with two people running in. People. " Who are.. Where did.. How? " I asked in shock. They were both men. They looked as if they were both 30 something, both strong and fierce looking. " No time to waste, " One of them said. I nodded and ran over to them. They both cursed when they looked out of the window. " Damn. We're gonna have to take them down one by one. Running past them all will be too risky. Not saying what we're gonna do isn't risky either.... Crap. " They both had double-barrels capable of blowing 3-4 zombies heads off at a time where as I only had an assault rifle. The first zombie ran in screeching but was easily taken down with one shot. Then more came. Another three ran in before getting shot and falling to the floor. " My name is Dan by the way, " The one I'd been talking to shouted over the noise of the shotgun blast. " And this is Jason, " He said referring to the other person. " My name's Luke, " I replied. Something hit my back and I turned around. Without thinking I shot the zombie that had tried to kill me. " There's another bloody door leading in, " I said to Dan. " You take that one and we'll take this door. If you get into trouble shout on me or something and I'll send Jay over. " I stood guard at the second door after that shooting whatever came in. Blood sprayed everywhere, bodies piling on the floor. The next zombie that came in was very large and was drooling blood. He screeched and ran towards me. I shot him in the face until I had to reload and he still wasn't dead. He was right next to me and I had to keep dodging his attacks whilst I desperatley tried to take ammo out my pocket. Once I reloaded I shot again and again before his head popped with bits of brains flying everywhere. It went on like this until Dan and Jay managed to come over to my half of the room. There were too many of them. We eventually got cornered and were shooting desperatley hoping to find a way out. I shot wildly like a mad man at all of them. It was like an infinite army of vicious flesh-eating things all charging in as if they didn't care about getting shot. One scratched at my arm, ripping a small chunk of it out. I howled in pain and fell to the floor. Fortunatley, they didn't actually notice me and I crawled through the crowd of zombies. I got up and started to shoot again, making them focus on me. The pain in my arm was unbearable, the blood was pouring down my arm onto the floor. I began to feel dizzy. Everything was a blur. I was still shooting, not knowing what at or where. I fell to my knees then onto my stomach. Everything went dark. I awoke looking up at a ceiling. I kept getting bashed against walls, then I realised I was getting carried. " Jay! " I shouted excitedly. " Where the hell am I? " Dan was in front with his shotgun running quickly. " We managed to hold them off for longer than I thought we would, " Dan said out of breath. " We're still in the hospital by the way. You passed out. Once most of them had died we quickly bandaged your arm. We're nearly at the exit, everything should be fine soon. " I groaned as I noticed the pain in my arm and realised where I was. " Would like to come back to camp with me? " I asked cheerfully. " If we do make it out of course. You're the best, y'know that? " I Went off into a daze followed by a painful headache. " Owwwww, I don't feel too good. " At least everything would be alright soon. Or, at least that's what I thought. I didn't know what had yet to come. Edited by Gh0st_J4y, Dec 1 2009, 02:39 PM.
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| 55K | Nov 30 2009, 09:02 PM Post #40 |
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How far down the rabbit hole?
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What? No smart remarks at the beginning of this chapter?  Anywho... It's been a while since the last chapter and I couldn't remember what happened last. Nice job so far, except for the one typo. 
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Voted Best New Member of 2009! Thanks Everyone! | |
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| Gh0st_J4y | Dec 1 2009, 03:29 AM Post #41 |
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Infinite
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Oh No3S, not teh typo!!! Sorry 'bout that. I can't be bothered looking through it again. 
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| 55K | Dec 1 2009, 08:26 AM Post #42 |
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How far down the rabbit hole?
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Fine, it was one word, towards the end, and it should have been "then" not "thsn". |
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Voted Best New Member of 2009! Thanks Everyone! | |
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| Gh0st_J4y | Dec 1 2009, 02:39 PM Post #43 |
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Infinite
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Actually it was supposed to be "than". Thanks anyway. |
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| 55K | Dec 1 2009, 09:09 PM Post #44 |
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How far down the rabbit hole?
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Same difference, I try not to contemplate grammar at 8am anyways.
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Voted Best New Member of 2009! Thanks Everyone! | |
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